Inside the Asylum

Had a customer come in at 5:30, looking for a very large cat scratcher. Within 5 minutes of her walking in she told me a very unusual and absolutely hilarious story involving one of her Ragdoll cats. For those who don't know, Ragdolls are traditionally large cats, that love to be with people cuddling and following them around. They are called Ragdolls because when you pick one up they tend to go limp in your arms, like a doll.

Anyway, this is what she told me; Husband (or as she called him 'her sweetie') was in bathtub, kitty wanted to join (large 18 pound, white Ragdoll). Kitty jumped in bath. Kitty flailed when realized it was filled with water. Kitty slices up husbands balls (yes she actually said balls!). All she heard was loud girlish scream of pain then large white, streak of water. Checked on husband, bleeding all over the place, had to go get stitches.

Makes me laugh every time I reread it!

Many many thanks to all who responded to my question about the dress. I decided to go with the first one, in dark green instead of black. Now I have to figure out hair and jewelry. And shoes. And once again I am asking for your opinion/help.

So first of all, just to remind you, this is the dress I bought.



So. Wigs. Yes I am planning on buying a wig. These are the 2 styles I like best, both are virtually the same price, they are same length, and I plan on getting it in light golden blonde. The first picture is the colour.



Wig #1


Wig #2 (front and back)



And now the jewelry. All are chokers, prices vary from $30-$50, all found on Etsy.com (my new obsession).

Choker #1 (I have emailed the maker asking if it is possible to get it with a snake instead of a frog, and matching earrings)


Choker #2 (this one and the next two are made by the same person and there are matching earrings available)


Choker #3


Choker #4


Shoes. I have no idea what sort of shoes would be appropriate. So any ideas of what Narcissa Malfoy may wear would be appreciated. Keep in mind I have to walk down the aisle in the shoes and will be standing and giving speeches and dancing in them. In other words, don't even think of suggesting stilettos!!!!

Thanks everyone!!!!!

This seems a little weird, but well I really do want cards, and books, and games!!! And definitely a girlfriend.......


Taken from gothfirefaerie
Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use—or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free—do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf—to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not — it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.


my list
1: Christmas cards, I love getting them.
2: True Crime books
3: Gift certificate to Chapters
4: Games!!! Card games, board games I don't care!!!
5: Gift certificate to Michael's
6: Pictures of friends
7: Someone to teach me how to make my own icons
8: A girlfriend!
9: Someone to magically create this dress for me for a wedding next year
10: An MP3 player, never had one but looks like a good idea.

Soo.....if anyone wants to send me a Christmas card :-) let me know and I will send you me address, if you don't already have it. Or you can ask some of our mutual friends who also live in OTtawa, cause I think they all have it.

Prophecy was amazing, beyond amazing. I had a fantastic time. Met many, many wonderful new people whom I will be keeping in contact with, of course! Definitely a great time. Until today that is. First of all let me say I did not go to bed till 6:30. This was due to meeting someone who could not allow herself to go to sleep and she had a bus to catch at 10:00 this morning. So I stayed up with her.

When I finally got to bed I did not sleep. I kept waking up shaking and chilled and not good. But the worst part is the fact that one of my roommates, who was going to pay for their share of the room today, apparently is having some difficulty doing so. He may not be able to pay at all. Which means it falls on me right? Deep shit as I REALLY do not think I can cover the rest of the bill. I don't know what to do. I am scared out of my mind. I feel sick, and nasty and just scared. I almost wish I didn't come this weekend.

Oh yes and there was a fire alarm at 12:30 this morning, which was thrilling beyond all else. Ok actually it was kind of fun and amusing, at least for those of us not in bed....I am glad several of you had already gone home as it was stressful and scary as those of us in the lobby did smell smoke. Something on the 3rd floor of the Richmond Tower (we figure someone tried to set the pool on fire). Then a bunch of us went on an adventure to find the roof and continue having fun. This didn't happen but we did find some VERRRY interesting stuff along the way which I will talk about later. Right now I want to curl in a ball, cover my head with a blanket and read fanfic.

I miss you all so much already and wish you were still here, even if only for a few minutes.

I just finished my exam. Went ok. Maybe. I did really good in some parts and reall bad in others. Cannot even guess if I passed or not. WE will have to wait nad see.

( my xmas stocking )

Today is the one year anniversary of my cousin's tragic death. I had a bad night and the day is horrible.

Adam, we love you so much and miss you terribly. RIP Adam.

Ok so I know I said I would be writing entries detailing what I had done on my vacation but I am still recuperating and well you all know what a procrastinator I am.

So my mother finally gave me my mail that I received while away. And among the bills was something from my school, saying that the check for my tuition had bounced and they wanted money immediately. This letter arrived almost 2 weeks ago. Now my brother had agreed to pay for one semesters tuition so long as I continued working, but less hours. This is because he thought it unfair that I was working full time practically while attending school full time. That was my entire life school and work. I only managed one night off, to see GoF, in that entire school year. So he agreed to pay one semester so I didn't kill myself or land in the hospital (Mom almost put me in last year due to my exhaustion and several breakdowns). So I asked him to pay for this semester. The idea was he would pay using his tax refund, signing the money over to Mom who would send a check to the school. This was done the weekend before I left and the school sent a receipt stating it had been received. But then I got this letter.

As it turns out my darling father (sarcasm there people) decided to cut off the payments he has been making to my mother, spousal support and everything else. But he didn't tell her, he just stopped. So when all the bills came out there wasn't enough money, the check for my tuition bounced and now I may not be going back to school. My father does not seem to realize that his decisions, particularly in the monetary sense affect other people and not just my mother. So because he decided, and his lawyer agreed, that he does not need to give my mother money (despite cheating on her and walking out after 22 years of marriage), my future may be screwed.

I don't know what to do, I don' know if this can be fixed. I have 3 weeks before school starts again. My mother has reassured me it will be worked out, but how? I feel guilty for going on vacation now, I should have stayed home and used the money for school. But we had things all worked out, it should have been fine, how was I suppose to know this would happen? But I still feel a bit guilty. I mean LA and Vegas was worth it, the sights, and most especially the people. But was my future, my education worth it? I don't know. I don't want to miss this year. I want to stay with the people I got to know last year. But what can I do? I have money left which I can use, of course, but then what am I suppose to do for next semester? I am usually so good with finances, usually have lots of rainy day cash, but that was before my vacation. Ack!!! This is frustrating! I hope it clears up. I am finally moving ahead with my future, but suddenly I may be back in limbo.

And to top it all off my mouse died yesterday. I am glad it is over with because she has been unwell for almost 2 months, and she had another bad seizure Tuesday night. But I will miss her and so will Sals, my other mouse. Poor Timbit, she had a rough start. I hope the last 2 years were decent though. RIP Timbit.

Hello all!! Long time no update, I know. But as everyone here knows I have been on vacation for the last two weeks. Well technically I am still on vacation but am now in recovery mode. And man what a vacation it was!! Amazing, I cannot even begin to describe everything. I think what I will try to do is go day by day otherwise my post would be longer then OotP and would leave tons of things out. That is the plan anyway, we shall see just how good I am at keeping up with it.

I have to say, I wish I was back in Vegas. Reality has hit me now that I am home, and well it isn't that much fun. Before I start at the beginning of my vacation I am going to discuss today, because well I had a bit of a shock, a breakthrough with my mother if you will. Yesterday when my mother picked me up at the airport (after a hellish night on various planes and in airports), we were getting my luggage and I mentioned I meet someone at Lumos. Now obviously I meet more then one person there, but I meant one specific, special person. She asked guy or girl. I replied, honestly, that it was a woman, assuming she had misunderstand what I meant. Guess not. This afternoon she came to my room, closed my door and said she had something to ask me. I knew then, I KNEW what this would be about. And sure enough, no beating around the bush, just a simple "are you a lesbian?" I told her just as simply, that yes I am. She asked how I knew. I told her that I was considerably more attracted to women then to men. She asked if I was certain (told you Kyle, Mandy she would ask this!!). I had to answer honestly and say I could not 100% for certain say yes because I have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, but I was 99.9999% positive because I have never been as attracted to a guy as I have been to several women. I asked if she was ok with it. She said she was disappointed and then started to struggle to explain why. I interrupted and said I understand that she wasn't disappointed in me but in the fact that what she expected of me, the life I would have, the family I would have, has changed. She agreed and started to cry. I again asked if she was really ok with this. She sort of smiled and said yes, that she still loved me and that while upset she supported me and just wanted me to be happy. It was done all rather calmly, no yelling, no gasps of surprise from either of us or anything. We spoke of several other things, I mentioned I thought she had suspected for the pst year but she claims she hadn't until I mentioned meeting someone at Lumos. Guess my subconscious decided it was time to tell her huh? She asked how long I had known, and was surprised at the length of time. She also wanted to know who also knew. I again surprised her by the amount of people who knew before her. I had to explain that telling her would be the hardest part because her opinion means more then any other (sorry guys). I think she understood. We talked a bit more, she cried more, and we both agreed that my father does not need to know yet.

Talk about a shocking day!!! I expected it but at the same time didn't. And the way it went!! I never expected it to be so calm. I mean yes she did cry, but that was mostly because I just destroyed her dreams and allusions about who I am and the life I have and will have. But she told me several times she loves me and supports me, and that she is ok with it. She has already changed in how she treats me though. She is correcting herself i what she ways. We spoke about weddings or something like that at some point and she something along the lives of "you can wear a pretty dress....or a tuxedo or whatever you want." And my brother was speaking to me about a video clip he saw on the internet involving a girl doing erotic karate, and she just stared at me like I would start drooling or panting or something. I think it will take a while for her to get used to the idea and treat me, well the way she used to. I hope it doesn't take too long or I may go insane!!

So that was most of my day. I am still in a bit of shock. Glad it went well, better then I had ever imagined. I am glad she knows but at the same time, wish she didn't, if that made any sense. She is now going to treat me differently, look at me differently, expect me to act differently. I may, but it won;t be much, I will no longer need to hide myself as much, but at the same time I am still the same person. It isn't like I am going to go into details about my love life with her, be it with a man or a woman. I think my life has just gotten a lot weirder. And I am certain she will wish to talk to me even more once she gets her mind around it a bit more. I would imagine she is in a bit of shock as well. I would be willing to bet she will continue to quiz me about how I know, how I am certain and other questions along those lines.

SO there we are. A very strange way to spend my first day back from vacation. I will talk about my vacation, the amazing time I had with Aly and her family (once again Aly I can not thank you enough for everything you did for me, with me, it was beyond amazing), and of course those unforgettable (for various reasons) days I spent in Vegas. It will take a while to go through, most everything I did but it will be worth it.

But for now bed I think. I am still trying to play catch up and get over the jet lag. And this damn heat wave is nasty. We had a tornado warning for my town, and several other counties, tonight too. Amazing thunderstorm. One of my mice is really sick too. She has been for over a month but seemed to rally. But she had a seizure yesterday and has barely moved in the last 24 hours. I have to keep blowing a slight breeze on her just to see if she is still alive. I don't want to hurt her by touching her. Honestly I would be surprised if she lasted more then another day or two. But she has surprised me before. I feel bad for my other mouse too because this is her companion and she will be lonely afterwards (she is too old for a new companion), but that is life right?

Ok bed, seriously now. Need sleep. I just rambled a whole bunch, and am sure most didn't make a lot of sense but there we are. Sorry. Thanks heavens I don't go back to work till Friday.

Who knew I could be so good a guessing answers?! Guess I will update today, or tomorrow or you know, whenever. *GRINS* I am in such a weird mood. Must be the exhaustion. I still haven't caught up.



*DON'T TAKE THIS. APPARENTLY IT IS A TRICK AND SHOWS A DIFFERET NUMBER THEN THE ONE YOU HOUGHT YOU GOT*

Ok I am going to complain about a few things but first the worst stuff. I had to put one of my cats down today. My poor Paddy, sweet Paddykins. He was 16 years old, just turned 16 actually, 3 weeks ago on St. Patrick's Day. It was really, really sudden. My mom and I noticed Thursday night he was walking weird. He was never a graceful cat, but he was lumbering around, almost hobbling. He didn't seem to be in pain and he was still eating, drinking go to the litter. He could still get up on the couch and off, he just walked, awkwardly. We decided to call the vet Friday morning and get an appointment. Couldn't get one until Monday. Fine no big deal, as I said he didn't appear to be in pain. Well Mom went to work, I went to work. 4 hours later I was home, and he was worse. I carried to the food and water, and he drank and ate a bit but not much, and he wasn't able to stand for very long, he could only take maybe 6 steps before he had to lie down. By the time Mom got home late in the evening he was much, much worse. He wouldn't eat or drink. He could barely walk and when he did his elbows stuck out funny like they were disjointed. He could barely even lie down. But still he seemed to be in no pain, almost resigned. We set him up in a safe room over night, knowing we had to take him to the vets in the morning and that would most likely be it. But he managed to get out and Mom found him at the bottom of the basement stairs in the morning, whether he fell or made it down and couldn't go any farther we don't know. I had to go to work so I said my goodbye and left. Mom and my brother took him to the vet later in the morning. The vet had no clue what happened, maybe a stroke, but she had never seen an animal react like that. He will be cremated and join our previous dog, in an urn.

My poor sweet Paddy. He was only ever sick once in his life, an infection from one of my other cat's biting him. He never bit us or swung at us, no matter what we, as young children did. He rarely meowed. He was simply the silent lump always there looking so sweet. I remember the time, as a kitten, he was playing at the top of the stairs and got stuck inside a plastic bag. Trying to get out then then rolled down the stairs. We had to cut him out. Every since then he has been terrified of plastic bags. He was such a good cat, so quiet but he had his moments. When we had our old dog, Barney, Paddy would would always let us know when he wanted to come in from the backyard, by standing at the door and giving one small meow. He always put up with the other animals, my psycho kitty Jaz, always wrestling with him but then looking after him too. Paddy was the only one brave enough to chase down Simon too, and that was a sight. Picture a feeble old cat, moving a little slow, a little chubby (but not as big as he once was), slowly chasing much younger and considerably more fit cat. I swear Simon would move slow just so Paddy could catch him. And poor Murphy, my dog. He has lost his hump buddy. There is no way he could get near Jaz, she would tear him several new ones. And Simon, well he certainly wouldn't allow that. I am going to miss that old cat so much, I remember as a kid I refused to go to sleep until I found him and gave him a kiss good night. I remember him as a kitten being banished from my parents room because he would attack and try to eat my fathers toes through the blankets. We could never have flowers in the house because he would eat them (always partial to baby's breath) and then go and throw up somewhere. I am going to miss him so much.

My complaints, ah I'll do that later, I am too tired, too drained emotionally right now to think any more. Let us just same, damn teachers, strike for the students benefit huh, I don't fucking think so, arrogant, narcissistic, ignorant, selfish, jerks.

Hello everyone,

I think some of you may believe I have dropped off the face of the Earth. Quite frankly I wish I had. I have been ill, very, very ill, for 3 weeks now. When I have time, and energy I will write a loooong entry about the stupid illness, and of course my new classes and the problems I am having at work. But in the meantime Aly put this up, and I figured it is short, easy, and more important will not require me to fry my limited brain cells. Later I promise.

1. What time did you get up this morning? About 10:30, stupid work

2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls, especially black ones, or really pure white

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Producers (FANTASTIC!!)

4. What is your favorite TV show? Law and Order: SVU (mmm Mariska) and CSI (mmm Jorja) tie.

5. What did you have for breakfast today? Don't remember, I hate breakfast, probably toast with strawberry jam

6. What is your middle name? Kathryn

7. Favorite cuisine? Italian, and American (LOVE steak and potatoes)

8. What foods do you dislike? Spicy anything, tomatoes, pork, eggs, any seafood, blueberries, spinach, cauliflower, and lots more (I am a picky eater)

9. Favorite drink of the month? Always love iced tea and Diet Pepsi

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Sound track for The Producers.

11. What kind of car do you drive? Don't drive, not yet (Just finished my last driving lesson and go for my test in about 3-4 weeks, then it will be a Malibu, I think)

12. Favorite sandwich? Bologna and light Miracle Whip

13. What characteristics do you despise? I-know-everything attitude, I-am-always-right attitude,

14. Favorite Item Of Clothing? Right ow? Flannel pants, tank tops and my new bathrobe

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you
go? Somewhere warm!!! Right now, this moment? I wish I was in California!

16. What color is your bathroom? Blue/green, white

17. Favorite brand of clothing? Whatever fits, usually from Addition-Elle, but right now I have lost weight and am a size 17, what a pain!

18. Where would you retire to? Wherever I made my home

19. Favorite time of the day? About 10 o'clock at night (my favorite shows are on and I am usually home from work)

20. What was your most memorable birthday? Nothing really stands out, never really had a big-to-do, I guess my 11th, when I received horseback riding lessons, my 13th when I received the family ring, my 16th when my mother gave me a ring with my birthstone in it (Alexandrite, expensive, impossible to find, only ever found one piece of jewelry with it, when I was 12. Mom bought it and spent the next 4 years paying for it)

21. Where were you born? Saint John, New Brunswick

22.What is your favorite cartoon/comic strip? Foxtrot!

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? everyone

24. Person you expect to send it back first? No one

25. What fabric detergent do you use? Sunlight

26. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night, definitely night

27. What is your shoe size? 11, yes I know I have huge feet, get it from my paternal grandmother, all the Rielly women have big feet

28. Do you have any pets? 1 dog - Murphy, 2 mice - Timbit, and Sals, 3 cats - Paddy, Jaz and my baby, Simon

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with friends and
Family? Not new, not exciting, but all I got; I'm sick, desperately want to quit my job, drop out of school and spend the next however long in bed with the covers over my head and a clothes pin on my nose. But I won't. I guess.

30. What did you want to be when you were little? A vet

31. Most notable thing you learned from the answers of the person who sent you this: Aly has tiny feet!!! I know there is something more in depth to say, but my fever is rising again and I have to be at work in 9 hours.

Night all, I promise to write something at sometime.

Open Book Exam. this is hte most wonderful news and something I desperately needed right this moment. the last 3 weeks have been a horrendous case of ups and downs, mostly downs.

3 weeks ago, this evening actually, I was harassed by that creepy guy at school. Nothing has come of it, I have not seen or heard from him since (thank god!) but it certainly has put me on guard and I am rather paranoid now. For the first week and a bit afterwards every time I walked towards the hallway where msot of my classes are I got this horrible feeling in my stomach, like a thousand butterflies were dancing the tango and throwing up at the same time, and I wouldn't be able to breathe. Luckily it has gotten better.
Actually tomorrow I have to make an appointment to go and see the hed of hte department again to tell him whether or not I want to make na official complaint. After thinking about it for a while, I have decided I will. I mean just because this guy has not approached me since does not me he won't try it with some other woman and I would like there to be a record of his behavior just in case.

So then 3 days after that I did something to my thumb at work. No clue what, had to go to the emergency room after work as I could not move my thumb at all without horrible pain and could barely move my hand. I have either torn the ligaments, broken my thumb or both. So it is splinted and I am on restricted duty at work, and have to fill out all this paperwork for workerman's comp. And of course the splint makes it SOOOO easy to write which will make the exams I have, starting tomorrow, a barrel of laughs I am sure. But the thumb is getting better and rarely bothers me anymore.

Exactly one week after the thumb thing, I get another pain, a worse one, in my toe. the big toe on my left foot to be precise. Can barely walk. Go and see doctor. Gout. GOUT!!! Something older people generally get, a build up of uric acid for those up do not know. But apparently it can be brought on by significant weight loss (which has happened due to barely havign time to eat), and stress (stressed?? me?? you think???) and of course the diabetes and poor circulation to my feet do not help either. Doctor tells me just to take advil. Well that doesn't help at all. The Monday after I was in so much pain it took me an hour and ahlf to get to my friends apartment, a journey which normally takes 10-15 minutes. It has been getting better, but still hurts. Luckily I can walk at least now. Mostly.

Several days after that, on the Tuesday evening, I had the worst night ever. Or at least right up there int he top 3. I am in my last class and remember I left an essay at home. one I need because it is a first draftand needs to be handed in with the second draft of the same paper, which is, foc ourse, due on the Wednesday, No big deal, call my friend who had class until 8:30. Or so I thought. So while I am waiting for her class to end and call my back I decide to do my other homework. Only I cannot find it. So I break down and cry. Decide to walk back to school (or hoblle, whatever) and search my locker. A friend goes with me. We searched my locker top and bottom. no luck. I lose it again and cry some more. You see this would normally be not such a big deal because all my assignments are online and usually saved to my USB. But this assignment, the only one all sememster for all my classes, was done by hand because it involved a hand drawn sketch. I was going to rewrite my notes on the computer. So back we walk to ehr apartment, me still crying and hobbling. on the way, I slip on some ice and come down on my bad toe. I end up on my knees retching in the snow from the pain and now sobbing. She had to practically carry me back. Luckily no far from apartment. So we get back and after I calm, a bit. I call my brother on the hopes my papers are at home too. They are. Pheww!! No I just have to wait till friend calls. So all calm for about an hour. At 8: 45 I call her. Turns out she is at home and was not answering her cell phone. She isn't at school. Finished last week. Oh boy. And she works hte next day so I have no ride home for work either. I get off phone and cry again. Call brother, ask if he would be willing to drop papers off at mall about 20 minutes from home if I can get there by bus. Can't, mom has car. he said give him a few minutes and call back. Call back later and he says Mom will drive out after work and drop papers off. Phew again! Still worried about ride for work next day though. Luckily friend was going home too and offered me a lift. Big Phew! Calm for a couple more hours. I can do nothing till Mom gets to apartment, about 12. She shows up early, and I meet her. Wrong papers. Lose it again in parking lot. She offers to drive me home so I can get right ones, and then drive me back. Ok, great. so we get home, I find right papers and we are on the way back in Ottawa. Middle of no where, dark part of highway and.....flat tire. GREEEEEAAATTTTT!!!!! We try to change it, I know how, but between Mom's arthritis and me only having one hand, no such luck. And of course I forgot my cell phone. Flag down car, use their cell to call CAA. Be 30 minutes or so. Another car stops nad guy changes tire for us. Yeah!! get back to friends plac about 2:15. Do homework until 3:30. Go to save it and my friends computer won't let me. the USB port wasn't working, wouldn't acknowledge my USB, and the flopy drive wasn't woring either! My friend wasn't home, so I left my assignment on screen and left a note, saying find a way to save it or I will wake him when I get up. I know not very nice, but it had been a long, very emotionally draining evening. Got to bed about 4. Get up shortly after 6 to finish other assignment, the essay. He managed to save it to my USB. YAY!!! But he renamed it too. He renamed my USB device, DILDO. Oh yeah really thrilled about that. Not funny at all. Lucky I don't have any more assignments because otherwise all my teahcers and clasmates would have seen that and it would not have been good. I know he was still partially drunk when he got home, probably really tired and my note wasn't super nice, but still. Not funny at all. Not even days later. We will be having words. Fun evening huh???!!!!!

So that leads to Friday. When we got our schedules for next semester. My job relies on this schedule being nice enough I can get to work. No such luck. of course. I have class every evening until 5 or 6, excluding Thursdya's which I have off. SDo that means I can work Thursdays, the short shift on Fridays (because I only have one class from 4-6 in the evening) and the weekends. That is it. Unless I can switch some clases. I am hoping we are spearated into two sectionsw again for some, but I don't think we are. So this means I do not believe I can fulfill the hoursly work requirements, which means I will most likely be demoted and get a pay cut. Which I do not need since I am stil paying for everything. Not good, not good at all. So I have no clue what to do.

And that leads to today. I spent 7 hours studying for my exam tomorrow. Then came to my friends apartment hoping to catch a nap. But no bed! She is moving out and even though the air mattress was suppose to be set up it wasn't and the guy who is moving decided to take over and move all his stuff in the bedroom. Which she still lives in! Oh this is great. I tell him and he moves some stuff but has to go back to work. So I do the rest. Then I grab a blanket and curl up on the cold hard floor. So tired I am out. Woke up when other room mate comes home. He and I start talking, about some stuff, mostly money stuff abotu the apartment and the people moving in and out and things along those lines. Suffice it to say I got rather depressed becauseit made me think of some decisions I madea few months back that I know realize were wrong. But hopefully I can do something about it tomorrow. I decide to call my friend, figure she is done her exam by now. Turns out she decided not to come into town! The whole point of me coming in todya, getting up at 5:30 am, when I do not have an exam, was so she and I could help each other study. And she decides not to show or call me! I could have gone home on an evening bus but because I was forced to call and found out where she was I missed it.

I am really, really depressed now. I am lonely (no one else is here), and I want to go home. Badly. I don't know why. So I start sobbing. I have no clue what is wrong with me, but I think I am finally starting to crack. I have been working 80-90 hour weeks, between school, work and homework, and I think the stress and severe lack of sleep is finally getting to me. After crying for like 30 minutes I knew I had to do something to cheer myself up, before I did anything drastic. And yes I was thinking bad things. I reallt wanted to call a couple of people but didn't know what to say without sounding patheitc and ridiculous. So I decided to go to Chapters. A 20 minute walk to the bus station, a 30 minute bus ride there, and then another one back, and another walk, but I don't care. I managed to find some good books, funny ones and a nice shipwreck one in the bargain section. Those helped cheer me up.

So I am feeling better. Or as good as I can get right now. And then I got hte great news about my exam! Thank heavens it is open book! It is my computer one, on Friday and I was really worried about it. It said it was going to be tough and I really doubt I could have been as prepared as I wanted. But I can relax, a bit, now. I will still study, and copy notes of course, if only to make things easier, but this will be nice, a bit of a relief. So really the only one I am super worried about is Wednesday's. This is the one class I have been having trouble with. There is just so much theory and things to remember!! But I shall do my best, of course. There has to be at least one class we are all bad at, right?

So yeah, that has been my last 2 and a half weeks. Fun huh? Of course other things have happened too, but they have mostly been little compared to these events. I am frayed, very, very, very frayed. Thank heavens I get to see Severus on Wednesday. I cannot even begin to describe how relieved I am. I desperately need to calm and relax a bit, get some advice, and most of all some comforting hugs. I really need hugs and cuddles right now. So I shall visit the dungeons and relax a bit. I am looking forward to it, desperately so.

Just 4 more days and I can relax a bit, just 4 more days........

This is crossposted to Robed Embrace as well.

Something happened this evening, a little over an hour ago and it really scared me. I have never had to deal with anything like this before. Some of this may freak some people out, so be warned. It isn't graphic or anything, but there is personal information about me that some people may have a problem with.

( Read more... )

Please, all I really want is some words of wisdom, maybe how I should have handled this, maybe said something differently, done something else. I don't know. I have never had someone flirt with me before, and if this is how it goes, I am not sure I want it to happen. So please, anything would be wonderful. and honestly, all I can say is that I wish I was a lot closer, physically, to some of you guys, becuase all I want right now is a big hug and a lap to crawl into and wait until my shaking and tremors have stopped. My friend says she has never seen me so pale and wide-eyed. Please anything.

I hate him. I hate my brother.

I had the most amazing night last night. FINALLY got to go out. Went and GOF with friends, and had a fantastic time. Although I think Beverley and I may have driven poor Severus mad with our constant giggling and whispered comments. We had a hard time keeping our mouths shut. But it was fun. And to get to go out last night after, and talk and have drinks and stuff. Awesome. Best night I have had in a very, very, very long time. Thank you so much everyone.

So I went to my friends place (it was a very cold night, and the bus I would have taken stopped running at 12:30!), we talked for a while about the movie, he saw it as well at a different theatre. Actually about 15 of my friends saw it last night, and we were all at different theatres and saw it at different times, weird! But anyway, got back to my friends place and did homework . Got a bit done. Not as much as I wanted but I was exhausted, the fun and excitement of seeing everyone was too much,. So I forced myself to bed about 3. Had to work today.

Work went fine. My father showed up and stayed and talked to me for a little over an hour. He gave me and update on how my family is doing, since Adam passed. I will write it done in detail and post it to Robed Embrace, simce several people there indicated to me they would like to know how my family was doing. So Dad stayed and talked then left to go back to Hamilton. He was suppose to stay until tomorrow so that we could go out, but fine whatever. Even though this is the first time I have seen him, and only the econd or third since mid-August.

I got home a little over an hour ago, and go upstairs, get into comfortable clothes and prepare to start homework. My brother gets home about 10 minutes later, with a friend. Said friend speaks with me, gives me a scarf his wife made for me for an early Christmas present (Slytherin scarf!), and then leaves. I go upstairs to start homework. Brother is playing music really loud. I can heard it perfectly through his closed door. I try to take it for a while but it is distracting. I knock on his door and politely ask him to turn it down. He says no. I say I am trying to do homework and do not want to hear his music. He says he doesn't care and it is Saturday night so he will do what he wants. I say I am politely asking him to please turn his music down, and it doesn't matter that it is Saturday, I am still doing homework. He says no and shuts the door. I must admit I called him a nasty word. Shouldn't have done so, sunk down to his level, but it did make me feel better. And I didn't say it loud enough for him to hear (I fear the consequences if he had). At that point mom came upstairs to speak with him. She asked that he turn the music down. Now he got really rude. he said no, why should he, it is his room and he wants to play the music as loud as he wants so he is going to. Mom said he is not the only one in the house and he has to respect others and to please turn the music down. He said no and said he didn't want to, and he was not going to. Mom said he was starting to push all the buttons and be really rude and belligerent (he was yelling at this point). He said he had a really tough day and all he wanted to do was stay in his room, and play his music as loud as he wanted to. She said he still didn't have the right to take it out on us. he replied he was going to play his music as loud as he wanted. She said turn it down. He finally agreed after more yelling on his part, and then slammed the door in Mom's face. Bad move. She stormed back and told him to never, ever do that again, and he had better start to adjust his attitude and for all she cared he could stay in his room for the rest of the night. And so far he has.

At some point during his rampage, he said this was the first time in 4 months (my God has it really been that sort of a time, it has felt like years), since he has been home, this is the first time he has played his music at a "normal" level. HA!!! I have asked him so many times, I have lost count over the past months to turn down his music, his TV, his games. He has this attitude he is ALWAYS right, never wrong, and everyone is against him. Well yeah we are, simply because his attitude sucks, he is a real ass, and quite frankly I am afraid of him. I do not like coming home if he is going to be here.

He has signed up for the military, the Navy to be precise, and I am hopeful he leaves soon, although my father said he doesn't think it will happen before March or April, but I really want it to happen sooner. Hopefully hazing is still a ritual, he really needs an attitude adjustment and at this point I think a sound beating, will be the only thing to help. Make him realize he is not always right and he needs to learn to control his temper. It is horrendous and really, really short.

The rather ironic thing is that when Dad visited me at work, we spoke of my brother and his attitude. I told Dad how much he has been disrespecting Mom recently, how he does nothing around the house, resents having to buy groceries once a month (the only thing Mom asks him to pay for). I told him of some of the things he has done recently and Dad promised to speak with both Mom and brother. And then this happened.

I don't know what to do. I hate being at home, it feels like I have to walk on pins and needles, I have to be very careful of what I say and how I say it to him, because I do not want him to explode. He has such a short temper and he is such an ass when he gets upset, which is very often. I hate having to deal with him when he is like that. There is no reasoning. He is right, he is better and it is as simple as that, everyone is against him. I hate going home, I wish I could leave, but I have NO money, no chance to do that, and I couldn't leave Mom to deal with him all by herself. It isn't like I am afraid he would hit her (me on the other hand...I don't know), he just has no respect. He is an unmitigated, pompous, egotistical, narcissistic, ass, who needs to have his head pop with a dull needle. Soon. And I willingly volunteer, although I suspect there is a very long line up willing to help.

I am completely exhausted. I think I am beginning to learn to live on an average of 3-4 hours of sleep a night. Everyone keeps telling me how exhausted I look. Jee, really? Now why is that? Sorry I get more and more sarcastic the more tired I am. But I suppose that probably has something to do with working 5 days a week, 35 hours a week, school 5 days a week, and all the homework on top of that. And boy is there a lot of homework!! Most of my courses are heavy, really heavy, ok completely, theory based. I have 5 presentations to make in the next 3 weeks. Goody! First one is on Wednesday. I have a research paper due tomorrow, well it is a group paper but there are so many problems involved I am not getting into that. Suffice it to say that is what I am doing now, but decided I needed a break before I broke something. I had a research paper due today. I finished it, but was not completely satisfied. Oh well it is done.

But yeah, I decided to take a break. And I saw this ( meme )

Ok, ok, I have to get back to this stupid paper. I will try to update at some point over the next few weeks, but I honestly do not know when I will have time. I suppose I should make time, have a bit of a break but hey there we are.

I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to seeing everyone at the movie on Friday!!!!!! Providing I can go of course. Hopefully it will be a later screening. I wreally, really, really, really, really, really, need a night off. I think I had one back in August. Oh I cannot wait!!!!!!!!!!!

I arrived back home a few hours ago. It was an incredibly trying, tearful visit, as was expected. It was a very long drive as we hit bad traffic, so a normal 5 hour drive became 8 hours. And we arrived too late to go to the last visitation.

We learned more of exactly what happened once we were there. How Kelly's screams brought a neighbor over and it was she who gave Adam CPR until an ambulance arrived, thus prolonging his life (the electricity caused his heart to stop). How Kelly was not taken in an ambulance despite being electrocuted herself (and therefore at risk of her heart stopping as well). How a police officer, taking Kelly to the hospital said to her "I hope this teaches you people not to try to put up flag poles near electrical wires". How Kelly therefore believed, 100% believed, it was her fault, that she should have done something, anything to convince Adam it was not necessary. She still believes it is and once this have settled a bit there is going to be a huge thing with the police over this. How Adam's arms were completely black when he arrived at the hospital. How there was no social worker there to help after the first couple of hours. It was a horror tale to begin with and as we learned more and more details, the nightmares are getting worse. And we didn't even see him at the hospital as most people did. We did learn some touching things though. Like the fact that he was able to speak, once, and was able to tell his wife he loved her and the boys. But the entire family, Kelly, all aunts and uncles and cousins have been recommended to go to trauma couseling. And I think they all need it.

The funeral was yesterday afternoon and we arrived early due to the fact that so many people were expected we had to get there early in order to get in. The funeral home was very small, holding a little over a hundred people. They had us split up between 3 rooms, with parents, grandparents, siblings, in-laws, aunts and uncles in the main room. The rest of us were elsewhere. And then there was about 500 people outside listening as well. It was a very moving service. I think the hardest part was when Adam's wife, sister and brother stood up and spoke. Such courage all of them had to be able to do that. Kelly, his wife, spoke of how he was her soulmate, and how they knew they were meant to be together since the first met in grade 2. She spoke of his great love for his sons and how she knew he would be up there watching over them. Mallory, his sister, spoke of what a great big brother he was, how protective he was, the prank phone calls he made and how much he scared her boyfriends. Matt, his brother, spoke of his willingness to help everyone, how much he was there for him, how their roles switched was Adam became the 'bigger' brother, but that Matt was always there for him, and that God always took the sweetest, most special people for his angels. After the minister played Adam and Kelly's wedding song, she couldn't hold it together anymore and broke down. That is a testament to how much Adam touched people.

After the service we went to the community centre. It gave all of us a chance to get together and speak of him, and speak to members of the family we haven't seen in a while. My cousin's and I got together and spoke. We decided we had to do something, that this had taught us a lesson, and we, the cousins, had to get together at some point. So in a few months there is going to be a huge party, a bit of a memorial for Adam as well, where the only people going to be there are going to be the cousins. We will get together, party, talk, be with each other, and try to learn from Adam.

I want to thank you all again. You were all a tremendous help, even when I was not online to read your words of comfort. As I sat at the funeral, crying my heart out, I remember each and everyone of you, and how much you have been here for me and my family. What a comfort you have been, your words of strength, of praise, of help, of love, of prayer. And it helped. I would have lost it completely were it not for those thoughts. So thank you once more.

The neighbor who performed CPR wrote a poem for Kelly, once that was passed around and cry over at the community centre. Most I cannot remember, but there are two lines I will never forget and they get me every time, right now in fact, because the are so Adam and they speak so clearly of the love between Adam and Kelly "You opened your eyes when you heard your wife's sad despair. And you tried to comfort her even as you lay there." You see, he was unconscious, heart not beating, but he came back and was able to open his eyes to look at his wife and try to comfort her. That is the essence of Adam. He always thought of others first, most especially his soulmate.

Kelly also wrote a poem, once that was included in the memorial card we all received. It is another tear jerker, but I want to share it here.

"God saw you getting tired
when a cure was not to be.
She he closed his arms
around you and whispered
"Come to Me"

You didn't deserve what
you went through,
so He gave you a rest.
God's garden must be beautiful
He only takes the best.

And when we saw you sleeping
so peaceful and
free from pain
we could not wish you back
to suffer that again."

Thank you again, to all of you.

Adam's funeral will be Thursday at 1:30. It is going to a long, hellish day. The funeral house can only hold 100 people and they expect about 1500 to show up. They have had visitations for the last couple of days, today's being only family and I guess it was jam packed.

A few days ago, I don't know when, as I seem to have lost a great deal of time and stuff, someone suggested to me that I start up a Paypal donation site. Well it turns out someone already has. So, even though I do feel weird doing this, because it almost feels like begging, but they, she and the babies need it badly now. So I will just put the website address here, and if you visit, look at the picture of the family before this tragedy, great, and if you donate, even better, but please, please, please do not feel obligated.

http://thelastminute.typepad.com/blog/2005/08/the_adam_dow_fu.html

Again, I want to thank everyone for their continious support, prayers, comfort and hugs. You have all been a tremendous help and I can honestly say I do not know what I would have done, dealing with it all, or to myself, without all of you. The struggle is still here, and I have having a great deal of difficult with everything, so thank you, to all of you. I will write again, to let you know how it went. And please know, that on Thursday, during that horrible day, I will be remembering what each of you said, and it will bring me comfort, so thank you.

At 7:30 this evening, my dear cousin, Adam, passed on. Apparently it was very peaceful, and the entire family, mine (his), and his wife's were there.

By this point he was in a complete vegetative state, so really there was no quality of life and therefore it is better for all, him included, to be let go. But damn this is hard. 23 year old men are not meant to go like this, or at all.

I want to thank everyone for their continued support and kind, thoughtful words, and the seemingly unending prayers. You have all deeply touched me. Thank you for letting me lean on you as others have leant on me. I hope you don't mind if I continue to do so over the next little while. I am having a great deal of difficulty and well, I think I need the help. Thank you again.

No news about Adam or Kelly tonight. But no news is good news right? At least that is how we are trying to take it. Meaning, there were no problems, complications or anything like that today. Hopefully it will continue to be like that.

I just want to thank everyone again for their continued support and prayers. You are all amazing, amazing people. It has been a very long time since I was so deeply touched. Thank you for responding to my initial hour of need, and for continue to respond as I need the words of comfort and help you so thoughtfully provide. Thank you.

I have received more information both good and bad about my cousin. Including exactly what happened. It seems my cousin decided to put up a metal flagpole in his front lawn. Something happened, he lost control and the pole hit the electrical wires. His wife grabbed him and tried to pull him off. Whether she was successful or he was disconnected another way we still don't know.

Now, how he is, my father was mistaken about a couple of details, but understandable since I am certain it was a madhouse at the hospital. Adam did not lose both arms (thank heavens!), only his left, at mid-bicep. Luckily he is right handed. His right arm is still touch and go as it is badly burnt and his nerves, tendons and ligaments are damaged, will luck not beyond all repair. He can still wiggle it though apparently. And he was communicating if only through nodding his head. He was in surgery again this afternoon to remove dead tissue and try to repair some of the skin. It seems what happened is that the electricity arched through him and set his clothes on fire while connected to the ground. So he is badly burnt, mostly 2nd degree, except for his buttocks, as they took the brunt of it, which are mostly 3rd degree burns. His wife was released from ICU this morning, her hands and arms are burnt, but not too badly. Mostly she was there for observation, both shock from the electricity and burns but also from what happened to Adam. Luckily her family also lives near them so they are currently taking care of the babies while Adam and Kelly are in the hospital. My entire family, with a few exceptions, such as us, are also at the hospital. I must say I feel a bit bad for the staff.

So there it is. He has made it past the first danger, with one arm intact (thank you!), but there is still the rather large and incredible risk of shock, infection to both the arm and the burns, and of course the danger of the many surgeries still to come. He will be in ICU for a long time, and will not be out of danger for many weeks. But he is still hanging on. And all we can do is continue to pray and wish for him to continue to. We need him, his wife needs him, his children need him. Please, let him get through this.

Thank you to everyone who has responded. You have touched me, and continue to do so, beyond all words.